The DH can wash my ass

I wrote this column for a baseball website, but it never ran.

BEWARE: This is hardcore stat-junkie stuff that, for those of us who love the game, reads like porno. But to the general population it reads like an actuarial table:


In the wake of Edgar Martinez announcing his retirement, the prevailing breeze blowing through the nation’s sportswriters said that surely the best Designated Hitter of all-time deserves a spot in the Hall of Fame. But that argument is even more backward than the concept of the Designated Hitter itself, and it winds up being a slap in the face to Dante Bichette.

I’ll explain ...

Despite my own preference for the National League game, I accept that the DH is a fact and I don’t believe a player should be given the Jim Rice treatment simply because they were a hitting specialist. And the "best at their position" argument often is a valid one – hence 2004 inductee Gary Carter. The problem with trying to apply that argument to Martinez is that the Designated Hitter is not really a position, it is the lack thereof.

When a player with slightly sub-Hall numbers like Carter is inducted, the implication is that his production was Hall-worthy given the rigors of his position. Of course, Gary also helped his cause with three Gold Gloves. For Martinez, there were no "rigors" to his position – all he had to do was hit. Therefore, he should be considered against the best hitters of his era, most of who were first basemen or outfielders. The "best ever DH" argument would actually reward Martinez based on the fact that he didn’t field a position.

Among hitters of his day, Martinez numbers are very comparable to guys like Andres Galaraga, Will Clark and yes, Dante Bichette. Solid players, but I’d wager none of that trio will be fitted for a plaque anytime soon. So how could anyone argue that Martinez deserves to be honored simply because while those guys were in the field, he was on the bench? Do these people really believe that Dante Bichette would be a Hall of Famer if he had been a DH?

Once logic trumps the "best DH" hand, the arguments for Edgar by brow beaters like ESPN News’ Brian Kenny get pretty slim. His on base and slugging percentages are impressive, but even in each of those he trails contemporaries Barry Bonds, Frank Thomas and Todd Helton. Besides, is a good eye and doubles power really enough to earn baseball’s highest honor?

The bottom line is that because the Designated Hitter’s only responsibility is to hit, they should be held to the highest standard when it comes to offensive production. As for a guy in that so-called position who barely scraped out 300 home runs and averaged less than 100 RBI per season heading to Cooperstown – I think he should have to buy a ticket like the rest of us.

I remember back in the '60s ...

You ever notice how anytime a 40-something movie character recalls their free-wheeling youth, it happened in the 1960s? You ever done the math on some of these people? Well, I did, and I wrote about it for Film Threat.

http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=1200

From the article:

Let’s face it, we’ve all seen this scene more times than we can count:

Lame Dad - "What’s the matter, son?"

Tortured Son - "You wouldn’t understand."

Lame Dad - "Don’t be so sure. You know, when I was your age, I smoked pot, went to a rock concert and/or participated in some kind of protest."

Mission Statement

Me with an Uzi ... of Truth!

Welcome to my Web Log. If, like me, you're new to Web Logging, it's basically a way for anybody with Internet access to publish anything they want without regard to the usual editorial limitations, such as quality and good taste. How could I say no?

Since setting aside my career as a columnist to focus on scripts for moving pictures, I've been searching for a way to share my published and unpublished work with those who have been kind enough to express an interest. I will seek to keep this site fresh with strong opinions, humor, movie reviews, and other material that will make it worth your visit.

So, if you've read my work in the the Iowa State Daily, Ames Tribune, Los Angeles Times Community Editions, Film Threat, Suck.com, MLB.com or anywhere else, I'm grateful for your continued interest and hope you'll continue to enjoy the show.