Don't criticize what you can't understand

If, as I did this morning, you hear the plaintive warble of Bob Dylan's "The Times They are a Changin'" coming from your television set - turn it off. Unless you happen to be watching Martin Scorcese's recent documentary, you are about to be treated to a commercial for Kaiser Permanente, and a musical mortal sin.

I'm not one of these puritanical music snobs who believes simply using the song in a commercial is an afront. If the man's got something to sell, he may as well play me some good music while he's doing it. But twisting Mr. Dylan's words, in possibly the most iconic rock song EVER, that's inexcusable.

If you haven't seen the atrocity, the commercial features some old bastard going about his daily routine. Eventually, we see him jogging and doing other healthy stuff, and the commercial ends with the words "Be Your Own Cause." You've got to be f***ing kidding me.

Be Your Own Cause? The message is clearly "wasn't it quaint when we used to have ideals? Now, let's just take care of ourselves." Who wrote this garbage, the Republican National Committee? Oh wait, they never had ideals. But I guess it's not enough that our defining national trait is egocentrism, now we have to elevate it to the level of idealism.

"What's that, you're an advocate for social change? Well, I'm an activist myself. I'm trying to drop 13 pounds from my ass."

Of course, it's exactly the same contradiction Tim Robbins spoofed in his brilliant film Bob Roberts, where a Republican politician/folk singer sings "The Times are Changin' Back." All Kaiser Permanente has done is remove irony.

Whether you're a college freshman standing on a street corner with an anti-war sign or just someone who occasionally questions the status quo, "The Times They are a Changin'" is a song that resonates with a sense of better days ahead. It's a song that thumbs its nose at cynicism and wears its heart on its sleeve. To poke fun at the song's earnestness for no better reason than to promote healthcare management, whatever that evil shit is, makes me sick.

This is the most offensive remarketing of a great song I can remember in a commercial, but it's far from the first. Do you think Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" was a passion for Royal Carribean Cruises? Was "London Calling" the Clash to buy a Jaguar? Did Janis Joplin really want someone to buy her a "Mercedes Benz?" And what's with all these ads using Nick Drake songs? As if I'm not already thinking about suicide while I'm watching commercials.

It's really not that I mind good music in commercials. I'd rather listen to Bob Dylan than Jessica Simpson in any setting. But if advertisers want to handle the goods, they need to show some damned respect.